Sure-fire Icebreaker: BRING IT TO ME

BRING IT TO ME

Being a professional speaker and student leadership trainer, I’m on college campuses facilitating leadership retreats and orientations often. This icebreaker has never failed. I’ve used it successfully with groups as small as 10 people all the way to 800 people.  This is great for adding some fun and energy to a meeting or helping new acquaintances feel more comfortable around each other. Just follow my script and it will work for you too.

Telling number 3's what to bring me

Create groups

The first thing I do is get them into smaller groups- ideally no less then 4 and no more than 12. It’s best if the groups are the same numbers, but depending on the number of people, that can be a difficult thing. My favorite size ranges from 8-10. It’s important to get them into their groups in quick and succinct manor.

Move them to the outside

“With your group, stand in a circle linking elbows. Without disconnecting your arms, shuffle yourselves to the outside of the room so you make a circle of circles. Go!” Get them to spread out; ideally, they are an equal distance from you in the center.

“Now count yourselves off, one through how ever many people you have in your group so that everyone has a number.” Give them time to do this. It always amazes me that some groups take about a minute to do this.

“Number 6, raise your hand” Look around to make sure every group has someone with a hand up. If they don’t, get them to find out who number 6 is. “Number 4, raise your hand. Good, everyone has a number, right?”

The set-up

“The game is called, ‘Bring it to me.’ Here’s how it works:  I’ll call out a number. If that is your number, you will be the runner for that round. You’ll come to me in the center and we’ll huddle up and I’ll tell you to bring me something. I might say, ‘Bring me a left shoe’. Then I’ll say ‘break’ and you’ll go back to your group, get a left shoe, and bring it back to me as quickly as you can- while being safe of course. A couple things first. If you’re in the huddle and I ask you to bring me a left shoe, you can’t just take your left shoe off and say ‘Here’s my shoe’. You have to go back to your group to get a shoe. Now, if for some crazy reason, you are the only one in your group who has a left shoe (pause for laughter-people WILL laugh), then you would go back to your group and get a left shoe from yourself and bring it back to me. But you must go back to your group before you bring it to me. “

If the groups aren’t the same size I say; “You’ll notice that some of the groups have different numbers of people. If I call out number 10 and you only have 8, just send someone else. You figure out who it is. Someone will run twice. “

Keep them safe

“Please be aware that this is not a full contact sport. Please be safe and take care of each other. If the only way to win is to knock someone over and step on their face, then just come in second.”

“What questions do you have?”

Go bring it to me!

Game on!

Here’s how the game generally flows. I’ll yell out “Runner number 8!” and all the number 8s will rush towards me in the center. This can be a bit crazy the first time. If a group gets overly excited someone can actually crash into you. You might need to remind them to slow down.

I have them gather around me in a huddle and usually I take a knee and repeat, “Don’t go until I say break. Bring me an article of clothing that has red on it”. I repeat this several times while looking around to make sure everyone hears me. Then I yell “Break” and they rush off. When they start coming back to me I tell them to stay until every runner is back with their item. When the last person has come back, I go right into the next number. “Runner number 4”.

How you run this transition is the key to the activity. I don’t make this a competitive game by announcing a winner. There is a different, much more competitive version, and generally takes a long time to complete. I don’t do it that way. I’m just looking for people to have fun, get excited, pump up the energy and meet new people. I keep the flow moving fast and move from one item to the next without any fanfare about who’s quickest.

Music

I like to play music during this program. It helps drive the energy. It helps to have someone running the music during the activity by turning the volume up or down depending on if you’re in a huddle or everyone is running crazy.

Here’s a list of items you might use:

1.    Article of clothing with red on it

2.    Cell phone

3.    Ring

4.    Earring

5.    Bracelet

6.    Watch

7.    Six left shoes (I like to make a comment about how stinky it is in the room)

8.    Pocket lint

9.    Sweat (this is pretty gross and I only do this with certain groups who are ready for it)

10.  Two people carrying one person (Sometimes I have them do two groups of this, so a total of 6 people come to me. Also make sure you stress safety. Tell the runner they can be a part of this or not. Only do this one if you think the group is ready for it and can be safe)

11.   Two belts that are connected

12.   A piece of hair that is not connected to the body

13.   Bring everyone to me (This is the last round, and I do it differently. I tell the runner to bring everyone in their group to me and as they are running back to the group, I run off somewhere else–like the stage or end of the room–and stand on a chair, and as they all rush the center of the room I yell, “To me, to me!” and they all rush over to me. Sometimes I run from them and have everyone chase me for a few seconds.)

After the last round I have them all give themselves a hand or give high fives all around to end on a playful, fun note.

Getting the focus back

I was facilitating a full-day orientation leader training recently and an orientation leader asked me how to get a group’s focus back without yelling at them. That is an excellent question and one that comes into play often- whether you’re doing an icebreaker with 500 new students or you’re running a committee meeting of 8.

The worst thing one can do is yell at them to, “Be quiet!” “Stop talking!” or even “SHUT UP!” It’s hard to believe but I’ve heard the latter said by experienced people. Not only is it demeaning, but it’s disrespectful. What you want to avoid is “teacher mode.” This is the stereotypical high school teacher who uses yelling and intimidation as a way to maintain order in the classroom. People have had enough of that in their lifetime and if they get just a whiff of “teacher mode” they can do anything from become stoic to open hostility.

Here are the top 5 techniques I use to bring the focus back:

1. If you can hear me…

If you can hear me clap 3 times…if you can hear me snap 4 times…if you can hear me stomp 3 times…

This works great, especially with larger groups. You don’t have to say it very loudly. The first time you do it, only a few people closer to you will clap. That sound will get the next wave of people’s attention and they will snap with the next round. And using the ripple effect, the whole group tunes in. I’ve gotten the attention of 800 yelling and screaming new students without raising my voice louder than normal conversational tone (on a microphone of course). It’s magic when it’s done right.

Some other examples to use include…point your elbow at the ceiling (or the wall, or person next to you)…jump 3 times…howl like a wolf or the team mascot ( I’d love to hear this from the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs!).

One last example that sounds very cool in large groups is…if you can hear me say, shhhhhhh. Try it and listen for yourself.

One more thing; it helps if you give a number of times to do it. If you just say, “If you can hear me, clap”, people get confused.

2. Echo clap

This works similar to, “if you can hear me”. Put simply; you clap and they copy your clap. It’s hard to describe in words – but you might clap 5 times similar to…clap, clap, then three quick claps. After you clap, wait for them to respond. At first you may only get a couple of people, but immediately go into a different clap variation and more people will catch on. I don’t ever explain how to do this to the group, but if you feel you must, then don’t say anything beyond, “repeat after me.” Any more than that and it will confuse the issue.

3. Clap 7 times

This is a variation of the echo clap. All you say is, “Clap 7 times all together. Ready…and…” Then clap 7 times and count to yourself, not out loud. It’s very gratifying when you end at 7 and there are no extra claps. If there are extra claps then right away repeat the directions and start clapping. If they get it all together then attempt 15 claps. I usually don’t go higher than that but feel free.

4. Noisemakers

This is very straightforward. Use something that makes loud noise to get their attention back. It’s important not to use something that is very annoying like a whistle used by referees – unless you can make new and unusual sounds with it. It’s helpful that you explain upfront what the noisemaker is and the expectations. “When you hear this sound, “tweet,” you’d discover that by magic your mouth goes closed and your focus comes to the front of the room.” Have fun with it and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Other noisemakers could be a train whistle, duck call, warbling bird whistles, and even musical instruments. I’ve used a harmonica in the past. I don’t really know how to play it but I just jam and they bring their focus back and laugh at me. It’s all in good fun.

5. Cut the music

I abruptly stop the music to jar people’s attention. While they’re talking I turn up the music louder and louder. This gets some people’s attention. They think, “This music is so loud I can’t hear my partner. I wonder what’s going on.” and they look up front. Then I abruptly cut the music by pushing pause or stop – not by turning it down. The other half of the group that didn’t get the music being turned up suddenly realizes how loud they were talking and turn to face you.

Note: Please be aware that these are gimmicks to get the attention back. If you use the same technique over and over and over and over, the participants will get sick of it – and you. Use them sparingly.

So what do you do in the mean time so they don’t get annoyed by repeated use? The most common technique I use is to just say, “find a place to pause,” or “please pause”. I don’t need to say it too loud and after a few times they come to expect it and go quiet quicker with every use. It’s even more effective with the use of music. Right after you cut the music, speak into that lull in conversation.

Saying ‘pause’ is much more effective than saying ‘stop.’ Rarely do people stop talking right away, so by saying ‘stop,’ you’ve just put people in the wrong and that can create resistance.

So there are a few ideas to get you started. I’m confident that with your creativity applied you can come up with some fun ideas and variations of your own. For those creative types who have some new ideas, please share your brilliance [or not so brilliance- we’ll still love you] with us by commenting below. Two heads are better than one…and 50 are better than two. It’d be great to hear from you.

Troy

About Troy: Troy Stende uses experiential learning-based leadership programs to help schools develop student leaders and increase student retention. He believes those two things are inseparable and has been helping colleges and universities create connections and strengthen campus community since 1998.

Secrets to a long and happy life…according to Dr. Andy

I recently attended a dance that was a culmination of a two-week long Ukrainian festival in Dickenson, ND. Everyone was dancing and having a fantastic time- especially the kids. I noticed an older gentleman dancing to his hearts content. I’m sure he was in his 70s but the energy he exuded was so youthful. His smile was beaming and he was light on his toes. He just looked thrilled to be on the dance floor. I knew I had to talk with him. I truly value the opinion of Elders because they’ve been there and done that and have such a different perspective.  I asked him what was his secret for a long and happy life.

His advice was simple and profound:

1. Work hard
2. Don’t give up…even when things look dark
3. Dance…it’ll impress the girls and keep you feeling young

Just like with Dr. Andy, the events that shape you today often stick with you your whole life. He had a pimply face, but instead of withdrawing he found a way to overcome. Be an active participant in life with no regrets no matter what life throws your way.

And don’t forget to dance.

GOTCHA – a sure-fire icebreaker

Have you ever been searching for a new icebreaker that actually works? Asking around, you hear a lot of great ideas that either sound way too complicated or just aren’t the right fit. You Google, ‘icebreakers’ and it gives you about 1,080,000 results in .19 seconds. After spending forever and a day searching, you find an icebreaker that sounds simple and seems fun. How hard could it be?  After all hey describe the whole thing in 3 sentences? When you finally facilitate it, the icebreaker flops.

This is an all too common story. Most icebreakers flop because the participants don’t fully understand the directions or they feel corny or awkward doing it. It ends up being a lot of work and not a lot of play.

Follow these instructions… This one’s never let me down
I’ve used this hundreds of times with thousands of people since I learned it six years ago. Being a professional speaker and student leadership trainer, I’m on college campuses and at leadership retreats and orientations a lot. This icebreaker has never failed me – no matter the situation or size of the group. I often do it before I even introduce myself! I’ve used it with 750 uncomfortable freshmen away from home for the first time and I’ve used it in a group of five student leaders to re-energize in the middle of an intense leadership workshop. IT WORKS!

See Gotcha in action at :57

It’s all in the details.
Follow the script! I say the same thing, the say way, every time. Over the years I’ve found out the hard way which words work and which words don’t. Each word I say and the timing of each has a reason.

STEP 1 – “Everyone take your left hand and place it up like this. Make sure nothing is in your hands – hand flat, hand open.” (see picture)

If you are facing a large group then raise your right hand when you say “left hand.” That way everyone will raise their left hand. If you are in a circle with everyone, then raise your left hand along with everyone else.

STEP 2 - “Take your right index finger and place it in the palm of the person next to you. Make sure everyone is connected to someone. If you need to reach around or move over, go ahead and do that. Make sure everyone is connected.”

Scan the audience for people by themselves or not participating. Gesture to them to connect with someone next to them. Sometimes I even say, “It’s okay to do this” or “Make sure no one is left out.”

STEP 3 – “When I count to three you’ll do two things. The first thing you’ll do is grab the finger that is in your palm… “
(NOTE: Avoid saying “I WANT you to do two things”. This can create resistance. Some people might say, “I don’t care what you WANT me to do.”)
“…and the other thing you’ll do is to take your finger out of their palm before they grab it. It’ll look something like this.” Demonstrate the movement in the air.
“Got it? If you don’t get it, you’ll understand it soon enough. Here we go, one… two… three!”
Model high energy, big smiles, a loud count and do it with them. Give them an extra moment to laugh and talk to their neighbors. You don’t want to cut their enjoyment off early.
“We’re going to do this 3 more times!” It’s important to say that so their expectations match the length of the activity.

STEP 4 – “Set it up again, left hand flat, right index finger in the palm of the person next to you. I see that some of you are very ready…” Demonstrate with your left hand almost closed. Look around at people doing that and gesture to them as you say, “Palm flat, palm open, no head starts. Here we go, on three. One…two…three!” Again, pause to let them laugh and comment to their partner.

STEP 5 – “Okay, this time we are going to switch hands. Now place your right hand flat and open and place your left index finger into the palm of the person next to you. We’ll see how ambidextrous you are.” Give them time to switch hands. This really throws some people off. Sometimes I look at people struggling and say, “Your other right,” with a smile, of course.

“On three, but this time I’m going to trick you. Don’t go until I say three. Only go on three. Ready…one…two…two and a half!” Do this with a hard count to throw them off. Let them laugh a couple seconds… “THREE!” Again, pause for laughter and such.

STEP 6 – “Okay, last time! This is the big one. You can stretch out if you want to.” Demonstrate stretching your fingers and have fun with it.  “It’s like the gold medal round of gotcha. Okay, set it up one more time – just like you were. Right hand up and open, left finger in the palm of the person next to you. Know that I’m going to trick you one more time. Not until I say three and only when I way three. One…two…FOUR!” Again with a hard count. This will get about 30% of them and they will laugh. Sometimes you need to mention for them to set their hands back up. Do this quickly. “FIVE!” (Hard count again)…”Six, seven, eight” (count that fast)…”TWO” (hard count)…”THREE!”

It really grabs ‘em by the…

What I love about GOTCHA is it addresses so many different factors that help a group connect and function well.

* It gets people laughing, giggling and having fun.
* It doesn’t force people to do something uncomfortable. It’s a low gradient activity that most people don’t mind doing.
* It breaks the touch barrier without making anyone uncomfortable. It’s as simple as shaking someone’s hand.  Touch actually can help ease the situation and make people feel more comfortable and connected. It’s very subtle, yet powerful.
* It gets the group synchronized. Everyone is doing and moving at the same time and that helps creates cohesion and alignment.
* It gets people accustomed to following your directions. And since the first thing they did with you was enjoyable and they felt safe, they’re more likely to trust and listen to you.

So put this icebreaker in your pocket and be confident you have one that will never fail you.

Be the Change

I just wanted you to see my most amazing wife in action. She blows me away and I’m honored that she still hangs out with me!

Karin at FIU

Karin recently presented the opening and closing keynotes at Florida International University’s ”Leadership Summit”. Click here to read the article in it’s entirety.

(Or the whole link if you’d rather…  http://www.fiusm.com/articles/4847-summit-helps-students-gain-leaderships-skills )

 

Here’s an exerpt from the article…

"...This year's summit was made up of three concurrent blocks of eight
sessions each and an opening keynote session with speaker Karin
Malkowski Stende, president of Stende Inspirations, an organization
dedicated to helping enhance the quality of student life on campus
through speakers and trainers, according to its Web site.

"I was thrilled to be invited because I think there is so much
potential for college students in particular to change the world and
make it a more positive place," said Stende, who was visiting the
University for the first time. Stende lead the participants through
several introductory activities and ice breakers.
...At the end of the summit, most participants, including staff
members, were wearing a blue ribbon with gold lettering that read "Who
I am Makes a Difference." The concept of the blue ribbons was created
by Helice Bridges in the 1980's, who also trained Stende as a "blue
ribbon ambassador." The blue ribbon ceremony consists of taking a
minute to acknowledge people who may have made an impact on a person's
life and presenting them with a blue ribbon, according to Stende. Then
those people are given another three ribbons so they can pass them
along to others.
The "Who I am Makes a Difference" acknowledgement process has been
translated into 12 languages and received the 2005 The Mahatma Gandhi
Global Nonviolence Award, according to its Web site.
"I already see students taking more ribbons and saying, 'I want to
send it to my teachers,' or 'I want to acknowledge my mom or somebody
else I know,'" said Stende. "And I really do believe that the students
here are going to take those ribbons and paint Florida blue."..."

Momentum

 

As we move into season two of the NFL- the playoffs- there is a lot of talk about how important it is to have momentum. Teams need to create momentum at the end of the regular season…it’s important to win your last game so you have momentum heading into the playoffs. It’s this big thing that everyone has to strive for, something that, if you’re fortunate enough, you will get. I just don’t believe in that view of momentum. I am not denying the existence of it. I do believe momentum is real and it has an impact. But the traditional view makes momentum come off as chance or luck.

Let’s break momentum down…you’ve got two teams very evenly matched and then half-way through the game, one team has a break-out play and they start dominating. The other team starts to break down and in the end, the game is a blow out. When the one team had the break-out play and started dominating the other, did the skill level of either team change? Not at all. I believe the difference is a mental shift, on both sides. After one big play, one team starts to believe in themselves more and in the other team less. One team believes they are better and they are. The other team loses confidence in their ability and they continue to go down hill; nothing goes their way, the ball never bounces in their favor. And as the game goes on each team buys into their own belief more and more, creating a snowball effect. They keep finding things that reinforce their belief and they continue to behave a certain way and stay in their respective roles: the champion role or the victim role.

A self-fulfilling prophecy. 
In reality, what it comes down to is just a change of mental attitude, a change in a belief. It’s a mental shift. I believe we can control these things. And if we can control these things, than it’s safe to say that we can control a shift in momentum. If you are conscious about your thoughts and beliefs you can affect them and even change them. So with that in mind, is momentum a real thing? Yes. Is it chance? No. We can create our own momentum by consciously focusing our thought.

I’m going to take on a challenge this New Year. Feel free to join me if you’d like. My challenge is to create my own momentum. Not hope it happens or have it happen by chance, but to consciously create a positive and powerful forward-moving momentum. By focusing on my thoughts and my attitudes…from moment to moment, during great days and tough days. Fostering and reinforcing beliefs of confidence and abundance. To truly buy into those thoughts and create a snowball effect…to create my own momentum.

Resistance is futile!

 

Coming into the New Year, there’s a lot of talk about resolutions. Getting back in shape, losing weight, getting organized, no more procrastinating…and the list goes on.
There’s a great deal of pressure and tension and anxiety about creating this massive change at the start of a new year. And to me it gets overwhelming when I think of all the things I HAVE to do and all the changes I MUST make. I have to do it NOW and it has to be BIG!

So I’ve been thinking to myself, what can I do? There are some things I want to change and improve but in the past, when I thought about taking it all on, I would get overwhelmed by the enormity of it all and freeze up into non-action. So I created a plan this year and I’d like you to join me if you’re up for it. My plan is simply to resist one temptation, every day. It might be different every time. One day it might be to resist that dessert, the next to resist turning the TV on when I could go work out instead; the next day I will resist the temptation to check my Facebook. I know this technique might not be for everyone. I think it works best for those of us who get overwhelmed by having to do or change so much that we end up taking no action at all. 

One thing I know I’m going to resist tomorrow is checking my email the first thing in the morning. It seems the moment I open my email, whatever great plans I had for that day are put on the back burner…and they stay in the back all day. So tomorrow (and hopefully for many tomorrows after that) I won’t check my email until 11:00 a.m., for 1 hr max, and then I won’t check it again until 4:00pm. 

I think the key is to resist just one thing and then count that resistance as a success. In the past, I’ve tended to get down on myself because I didn’t do enough; this is where I get trapped into giving up, and end up quitting whatever it was I resolved to do. From now on, when the next temptation comes along and I resist it, I’ll see it as a success. If I don’t resist it, I won’t see myself as a failure; I’ll just recall the success I had already, forgive myself, and move on.

I feel better about making resolutions already.

Hello world!

I’m just setting up my blog and transferring my postings from my static site to here. That would explain the many postings on one day. 

I’m looking forward to creating a dialogue with you!

Troy